Three simple rules for change flow
This time last year I was struggling, as I slotted right in to the worst possible age, and damn was I feeling it. I was also dealing with a kid going to prep and my youngest was still one — each challenging in their own ways. Then suddenly, the rush of change to working from home, the general and then quite specific anxieties that followed, topped with everyone at home for a long time in the strictest lockdown in the world. I wasn’t in a good way, but no one in my circle was.
When the weather started to warm and we were allowed out of our homes, I had clarity. Clarity about things like my health, and who was responsible (spoiler alert: me). I also got clear about work. I have been wanting to move out of my sector for years but just couldn’t see how with my limited skills and a family to take care of. But the difficult culture and impossibility of working from home came together to push me out, for good. I decide to return to a new way of working that would require that I step back and train for four solid months.
Am I nervous? Absolutely. I am taking a huge loss and risk at the time when I should be flowing downhill in terms of ease. I am, however, confident that I am using some well-earned wisdom by taking this on.
So what do I mean by change flow? This is a series of decisions and steps that lead you into a flow from which there is no turning back. This could be anything that is meaningful to you. For me it has been taking ownership of my health and my career. But whatever your change flow is, there are three rules that can help you commit and keep that change you want flowing.
Rule 1 — Be fearful
From childhood and ever after we are told the value of being brave, of ignoring fear, of pretending to be a superhero. But this rule demands that you accept your fears about your new path, label them, and put them somewhere where you will have to confront them. For me, this means being honest about the worst thing that can happen- I don’t finish the course and have to go back to working at something I’m not satisfied with. Is this my biggest fear? Yeah. And honestly, it’s not that daunting. I can make it work, I’ve done the math. But I keep the fear near to motivate myself to do what it takes. Don’t put on a brave face! Invite what scares in you for a cuppa. You will find that making friends with them will move you along more than ignoring them.
Rule 2 — Embrace the brave you
While I was contemplating how I got so stuck in my roles, I found myself reminiscing about my 20s. At that time, I was bouncing around New York City without a college degree, and yet fully accepted into any sector that I was interested in. I landed great opportunities in coffee, travel and books. Now, mind you, I didn’t have the two cents needed to make the most out of any of these, but that’s on me. What I felt I was missing currently was the bravery that I had, the confidence that I could and should apply for that job because I wanted to learn and do well. Many years later and I realized that instead of resenting the past me, I could be inspired by him. So when opportunities come up, I don’t dismiss them, I jump up. What I dismiss is the limitations I put on myself that sew doubt.
When were you brave? As a kid? A teenager? An entrepreneur? Do you use that part of yourself as an inspiration? I guarantee that brave you is more relatable and more motivating than anyone on a self-help shelf. Reconnect with those times to get to the heart of the matter- what was it that overrode any fear, or even better, moved you to act without any doubt? Remember them and be your brave self again!
Rule 3 — Bdapt
No, that wasn’t a typo. While rule number two takes inspiration from a past version of yourself, number three demands that you recognize your full self — before, during, after pandemic times. You were awesome before all of this mess — and I do mean all of it, because so much shit came to a head in the last 12 months. But you held it down before and then again over the hardest of the during times, including having a vision for a better you. That vision requires an honoring of all of yourselves. And as of this writing we are still in the during. Still dreaming of what we can do, both the mundane and the fantastic. But the wisdom that we need comes only from the integration of our full experience. I am bringing along all of my experience, learning and shifting to a new chapter, and I am including the lessons of the during time- writing from lockdown v6.4. Believing in my vision for the after time. This whole-of-experience approach is what the world deserves of us, no matter how much or how little sense we make of it.
My original thought for this article was to write about my journey towards chaplaincy as I start Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE). But I found myself thinking about what was driving me over the hills of doubt and challenge, and how I can help others to keep going with their own flow. These aren’t the only tools you will need - everyone’s set is different - but these will help you push through the challenging days.
See you in the after times.
